May I
by Marcelle1
Summary: Continues the tales of "Drive Me" and comes before "Closets, Costumes, and Kisses". SLASH. ByronJeff.
1. Cleansing

Title: Cleansing

Author: Joy

Pairing: B/J

Rating: 13+

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Ann M. Martin and related parties. I'm just playing with them.

Summary: Byron gets desperate the day before Jeff leaves.

Notes: Pretty sure that "I Want Your Sex" helped with this. And of course, everyone that encourages me. :) I also have to thank Spring Break, otherwise I wouldn't have written so much.

It was the last baseball game that Jeff was going to play until September. Of course, it's difficult to play baseball with only four people, so he supposed it was more of a practice. Then again, when he got back to California, he would be surfing and kicking a soccer ball around, and he wouldn't need the practice.

Still, he wanted to play. He enjoyed the competitive spirit and he liked the smell of the leather mitt. He also liked having Byron on his team; he could give high-fives and shoulder-wrapping hugs without anyone raise an eyebrow.

Walking home from the game, he heard slapping footsteps running up behind him. He slowed, took a peek over his shoulder, and grinned when he saw Byron. Byron was dripping with fresh sweat, and his dark hair was dusted with dirt. Jeff wasn't focused on any of that. He was completely and utterly glued to the way Byron's eyes were openly desperate.

"I left something at your house. Mind if I come home with you?"

Jeff shrugged. "Sure. But Richard might make us shower in the yard. You know, so we don't walk in the house like this." He didn't bother hiding the wide smile stretching across his face.

"Eh... it's hot anyway."

You're not kidding, Jeff thought.

Byron was quiet as he ran over his plan in his mind once more. True, he had told Adam and Jordan that he'd forgotten something at Jeff's, but it wasn't a book or a video game. He needed to touch his best friend like that one more time before Jeff flew out to California in the morning. And so, here he was, chasing Jeff down. The rest of the plan wasn't so clear, so that was why he was thinking. And not coming up with anything.

Richard's car wasn't in the driveway when they got to Jeff's house, and neither was Sharon's. Byron breathed a sigh of relief just as Jeff did, but possibly for other reasons. "Hey, no parents." Jeff winked.

Maybe not so different reasons.

They stampeded up the stairs, kicking off their shoes at the front door. Jeff slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower, then came back into his room, where he found Byron looking around nervously.

"Byron?"

"I can't find anywhere to sit that won't get dirty," he half-laughed.

"I don't care."

"Oh." Byron chose the desk chair, perching carefully. "This is going to be a very long summer." He sighed.

"Summers in California always go by too fast. There's surfing and all my friends back home will insist on sleepovers for a week straight, and Dad takes me to Disneyland and... oh. Oh yeah. Byron..."

Byron was staring at the comforter on Jeff's bed very pointedly, as if he could burn a hole through it if he tried hard enough.

"Oh, Byron, you know I'm going to miss you, too. I'll call...if you want me to."

Byron nodded, his gaze shifting back up to Jeff's and holding steadily. "I worry. That you're not coming back." He would have added that he wished Jeff would never leave Stoneybrook, but Byron knew how much California meant.

Jeff was in the middle of peeling off his filthy shirt. Usually, the act would fascinate Byron, but now it was just another action that separated them. Byron was sitting there in dirty jeans and a torn t-shirt, and Jeff was getting rid of all that, heading to the shower and cleaning himself of Stoneybrook for another summer.

You're not going to get another chance! Byron's mind screamed at him as Jeff started walking into the bathroom.

"Hey, Jeff?" Byron called as he leaped up after him. Jeff stopped in the doorway, his fingers poised on the button of his jeans.

"Yeah?"

Byron flung himself forward, one hand wrapped firmly around the doorframe, the other sliding up through Jeff's hair, and kissed him.


	2. rusted

Title: Rusted

Author: Joy

Rating: 13+

Pairing: B/J

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Ann M. Martin, and the rating system belongs to the MPAA.

Notes: Sequel to "Cleansing", and fits somewhere before "Costumed".

Jeff was off-balance to begin with, and when Byron flung himself up to meld, to fit all the curves and sharp edges, to fill all the cracks, the impact was overwhelming. He rolled his head back gently, looking deep in Byron's eyes.

"Byron?" he whispered. Then instead of using words, he reached forward, locking Byron close, and rolled their hips together with a breathy moan. "Mmmm."

Byron's heart was pounding so hard he thought blood was oozing through his skin. He hooked his arms over Jeff's shoulders and whimpered, nuzzling his lips to the skin just underneath Jeff's ear.

Both of them fell against the doorframe heavily, all sense of equilibrium having vanished. Hands fumbled to find new handholds; Jeff found that Byron was quite fond of having fingers wrapped around his hips, and Byron learned that dragging fingernails over Jeff's shoulders got an extraordinary response.

Lips met once more, heat dripping from their mouths and along tongue trails like thick honey. Their shared taste was sweet but contained an aftertaste of something undefinable. Byron's head was spinning, and he felt his body twist up against Jeff's again when suddenly, he felt sharp pain stab through his lip.

"Stop...stop," Jeff was whispering. "Byron... we can't."

Experimentally feeling his lip with a finger, Byron was surprised to feel a bead of blood welling up. He blinked, turning astonished eyes on Jeff, sucking his bottom lip protectively.

Jeff put his hands awkwardly on Byron's arm. "Not yet... I'm not... Promise me if I kiss you again, you won't try to get in the shower with me?" Byron understood; he wasn't ready for any big steps just yet. He was glad that Jeff had shown some restraint.

"For a kiss, I'll give you anything." Vaguely, Byron knew the power of this statement, but he was lost on the aftermath of Jeff's mouth, and he needed to taste him again, if only once more.

Jeff leaned forward and brushed his lips over Byron's pouting lips. "As soon as I get home--to California, I'll call you, ok?"

Byron nodded, his movements jerky like a rusted machine as he stumbled down the stairs and numbly made his way back to the Pike house, where chaos was breaking out. Byron didn't even hear the screams and taunting as he headed straight for the shower, yanking off his filthy baseball clothes before he even reached the bathroom.


	3. Secrets

Title: Secrets

Author: Joy

Rating: Fan-approved for 13+

Pairing: Byron/Jeff

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: In case you were wondering, a fork in a garbage disposal is really, really painful to hear. I apologize for the drama, but it had to be done. Any damage done will be repaired. ;) And yes, this fic made me cry while writing it, so you can cry too.

Byron was drying his hair when he heard the high-pitched shrieking that sounded like someone had caught their hand in the garbage disposal while trying to remove a fork.

He threw on his dirty pants, which luckily had landed on the bathroom floor as he had stripped on his way to the shower earlier. He vaulted over the bannister in time to see Adam and Jordan. With his diary. Reading aloud.

The sound was coming from Vanessa, who was apparently trying to drown out Adam while Jordan had her by the arm, twisting it behind her back. Adam was in the middle of a particular juicy passage when he saw Byron.

"'I swear I'm going to die if I don't find out what he's thinking...' Oh shit." Adam dropped the diary and faced him, hands on his hips. "What's all the girly shit for, huh, Byron?"

Vanessa continuing screaming, only now it contained words. "I tried to stop them I told them it was wrong I tried to stop him I tried to stop him I tried-" Byron cut her off with a Look.

His other triplet growled into his face, "So what's all this about Jeff? You two making out?"

Claire and Margo simply sat at the kitchen table, trying to stay invisible, until Claire poked her sister and whispered in the silence, "Did Byron do something bad? Is he gonna get grounded?"

Their parents had just walked in the door to witness everyone yelling at once, and Byron suddenly exploding with a screech, "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and pounding up the stairs.

Byron was debating whether to pack a suitcase or not when he heard his mother shouting for him, rather insistently. He poked his head out the door to shout he'd be right down when he spotted... Claire and Margo?... sitting in the hallway across the bedroom, watching with wide eyes.

Jogging down the stairs, he was met with a very sobering sight: his parents, Adam, and Jordan sitting around the kitchen table. The offending evidence was between them.

Byron seriously considering running upstairs to his room again and hiding under the bed. But his dad stood up and walked over, putting an arm around his trembing shoulder and guiding him to the table.

"Byron?" Dee started tentatively. "Do you... want to tell us something?"

Byron turned his head away, staring out the window. "You read it anyway, so why?"

He started visually planning doom before his eyes, no logical pattern to it, simply destruction of anything he had ever done, built, or loved. The shock kept him from bolting away again because he needed to cling to something solid to keep him from complete and utter breakdown.

Jordan got up, and violently kicked Byron's chair. "Why! We never kept secrets from each other before!" He turned bright red and folded his arms, glaring. Adam was silent, but the expression on his face said the same as Jordan's. Byron had violated some kind of Triplet Pact by not telling them his secret.

Not that he was certain of it himself. Kissing a boy and getting your feelings all mixed up every time his name was mentioned didn't necessarily mean you were... gay. All right, so maybe a little. Byron didn't want to label himself too soon.

Their dad turned to Jordan. "Please settle down, Jordan. I know you're upset, but so is Byron. You did force this out of him before he was ready."

"John, maybe we need to talk to Byron alone," said Dee, trying to deflate the situation.

"No!" shouted Adam and Jordan simultaneously. "He's our brother!"

Everyone cut short their argument as they heard the sound of a chair rattling back and forth. Byron's trembling had reached the point that it was reverberating the furniture. His face was pale and he was biting his lip so hard it appeared to be almost split in half. Cracked words made it through his mouth somehow. "Everybody...knows?"

Ashamed, his brothers lowered their heads. Their dad answered, "We got home and Adam was reading out loud."

A quick voice shouted from the doorway, "I tried to scream over him!"

"Vanessa! Go upstairs and play with your sisters!"

Byron started laughing softly and growing in volume, slightly hysterically. "Oh. So my entire family knows... Why don't you just call the Spiers next and ruin Jeff's life too! And while you're at it, tell everyone I sit for so I lose my job and call my teachers so they know to let the football players beat me up and please call the newspaper so they have great front page news and..." He burst into tears, simultaneously launching himself up the stairs and into his bedroom.

The bedroom suddenly didn't feel safe anymore. It had always been his refuge in other times. His blanket and pillow felt frigid and rough against his skin, and he punched his pillow so many times he started to feel the bedsprings against his knuckles. Then he grabbed his pillow, shoved it against his face, and screamed. Screamed until the tension in his back unfolded, screamed until his tears stopped, screamed until he felt the skin in his throat dry up.

His life was over, as far as he knew. He read the news; he knew what happened to "faggots". He was terrified; everyone would be watching him. Oh god, and then the parents of the kids. They would all accuse him of being Stoneybrook's own Michael Jackson. It was preferable to suffocate himself right now in this pillow.

He would have told his brothers, only he had been too scared. Well, at least Claire was too young to understand what the dirty words meant. She could rest safe in her illusion for the moment, and only in a few years would she learn their brother was a disgusting freak. His parents were only being supportive because they were in front of Adam and Jordan, but he was certain that if he had to face them alone they would rain down all sorts of disappointments on him.

A knock sounded at the door. "B? Can I come in?"

His head swung up at that. It was Adam, calling him by the nicknames they had used as young children. Adam was... knocking on his own door, asking... permission?

"Yeah," Byron answered.

Adam also looked like he wanted to cry. He held out the journal to Byron and then put it on the bed when Byron didn't reach out for it.

"B? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I thought maybe it was an English assignment, but then I read some of it, and I just couldn't believe it. I was in shock and I wasn't thinking." When Byron didn't so much as move, he shouted, "Goddammit, Byron, I'm sorry!" Adam spun on his heel and was nearly out the door when Byron spoke.

"Adam? Do you think... I'm... bad?" Byron was beyond the point of eloquence.

His brother swung back, and for an instant Byron thought Adam was going to punch him, so he threw up his arms in reflex. Instead, Adam threw his arms around Byron, whispering, "Fuck no." The fact that Adam was hugging him sparked hope that maybe, just maybe, he might want to live.

Adam let go of him, adding, "Just... I don't think we're going to tell anybody, right? Keep it cool, B."

Jordan slipped through the door next, grabbing Adam's hand on the way through, transmitting some sort of courage.

"Okay, Byron. Like, it's okay. I don't care... I just wish you had told us. We should have guessed, but... we're stupid. Byron? Please say something."

"What, Jordan?" The bitter edge to his voice was starting to fade. "You know if anyone finds out, my life is ruined. There's nothing to say, because I don't want you to say anything."

Jordan smiled at him. "Ok. Just don't give us any details."

His parents came in next. Byron fell back on the bed, exhaling loudly. "This is starting to feel like a confession booth."

"If you don't want to talk, we can leave," said Dee, taking a step backwards.

"No," interrupted John. "We need to talk."

Byron lifted his head to look at his parents, both with worried looks on their faces. They hadn't done anything to hurt him; why was he taking it out on them?

"I don't need to talk about my feelings. I think I got that worked out all by myself. The only thing I'm worried about is... my baby-sitting. Those parents are going to totally freak out, Mom."

"It's none of their business. It doesn't affect your job performance any," counciled John, and Dee nodded in agreement.

"Fine. Good. Now, does anyone else want to talk to me, or can I go to bed early?" Byron curled around his pillow again, hugging it to his chest. He felt the thick tears welling up in his throat again, and he bent his face down against the fabric.

Dee leaned down and nuzzled a kiss through his dark hair, as John patted his shoulder comfortingly. The light switched off and Byron lay motionless as he forced himself into uneasy sleep.


	4. Over

Title: Over

Author: Joy 13+

Pairing: Oh, I still have to tell you? B/J

Disclaimer: Not mine-no moolah.

Notes: So far, the series goes: Drive Me, Candy, Falling Apart, Cold, Right Now, Damn This Closet is Small, Cleansing, Rusted, Secrets, and then this one. yeah. It's getting pretty long.  
Jeff knew something was wrong when he heard his mom open the front door. He cocked his head to the side, listening to the quiet dialogue filtering through the walls. When he recognized it as Byron's voice, his whole body froze and his fingers clenched the laundry he had been folding. Surprise visits from Byron were not his usual; Byron preferred to plan things out two weeks in advance and show up on time.

A knock sounded on his door and Byron's muffled voice called out, "Jeff? Can I come in?"

"Of course you can come in. You never have to knock-God, Byron, are you okay?"

Byron slunk into Jeff's room and claimed the bed. His face was smeared with tears and his hair was a mess. Quickly, Jeff knelt beside him and began checking for bruises when Byron whispered,

"They know. About us."

"Who!" Jeff pulled back in shock.

"My whole fucking family, that's who." Byron put his head on Jeff's knee and softly turned his face to the fabric, dampening it with fresh tears.

With trembling fingers, Jeff stroked Byron's hair, smoothing it out, except the back piece next to his ear which never straightened out anyway. He drew Byron up into a sitting position and rocked back and forth, holding him tightly until he stopped shaking.

"Well... my mom said I could take the car to prom," Jeff began, looking for a more casual topic.

"Prom!" Byron cried aloud, pushing at Jeff angrily. "We just got outed and all you can talk about is the prom? God, it's not like you're taking me."

"I'm not?" Jeff turned crystal-blue eyes on Byron and stuck his lower lip out.

"Oh. Ohhhhhhh."

Their lips met, pushing heat through skin. Jeff's hands slipped to pull Byron closer, and Byron whimpered, akwardly scooting into Jeff's lap. Afraid to go any farther, Jeff broke away first, but Byron easily filled the gap between them again and tucked his chin underneath Jeff's. He was so close Jeff could feel throat muscles move as he swallowed.

"So... my mom said I could take the car to prom," Jeff restarted.

Byron looked up through newly tousled hair, grinning.


	5. Interruptions

Title: Interruptions

Author: Joy

Rating: AAA (for angst, LOL) No, really 13+.

Disclaimer: All belongs to Ann M. Martin, no money is made from this.

Pairing: B/J

Notes: If you read this while listening to Garbage's "Drive You Home", you'll probably get the same effect I did as I wrote it. & oh look at the time. I should be studying for finals. Hee.

For days, Jeff tried to hide his excitement, awkwardly avoiding the subject of prom whenever it came up at the lunch table. The girls squeaked and squealed, and Jeff always turned his head aside, noticing from the corner of his vision that Byron was doing the same thing.

Three days before, Jeff ducked into the office long enough for a phone call, and when Haley asked what he was doing, he told his friends that he had called his house, only to have Richard tell him that he needed Jeff to come home immediately after school; there were some last minute travel details that needed to be worked out.

"But Jeff, you're not leaving for four more days," Haley said, pushing her blond hair out of her eyes.

"Yeah, four," echoed the triplets. A nearly invisible glance passed between them, and Jeff sighed, digging into his salad.

"God knows what Richard wants," Jeff spat out through his mouthful of greenery, almost spraying Jordan with lettuce.

When the final bell rang, Jeff met Byron at his locker, planning to walk as slowly home as they could, with possibly a brief stop at the 7-11, but Byron's deep look of resignment nixed that idea as soon as Jeff concocted it.

Their hands brushed lightly over each others' as Byron pulled his math book from the tiny compartment and pushed it into his backpack. It was the closest they ever had gotten to holding hands at school, and Jeff knew whatever Byron was going to say, it was important.

"Jeff... maybe you should go find out what Richard wants. I mean, you can come over early on Saturday, you know, and ummm... It's okay, really."

Byron was twisting his backpack strap around, tensing the fabric to its fullest and then releasing it. Jeff stepped up as close to him as he dared, whispering, "I don't want to. I want to-" He stopped, seeing a group of football players approach a locker near Byron's. "Okay, I'll go home."

Byron forced a smile at him, then slunk down the corridor. Jeff felt awful, as if he'd driven Byron away, but he knew things were just... different at school.

Jeff slammed the front door when he came in, dropping his backpack on the floor and kicking a shoe halfway across the floor before padding his way into the kitchen. Sharon was standing at the stove, cooking something that smelled of tofu. His mouth watered automatically.

"So, Mom, I called home today, and Richard answered."

Sharon jumped. "Oh honey!" she smiled. "I have fantastic news! I found a very cheap flight for you on Saturday, which you know is very hard to do, but being as you're going to prom Friday, I didn't want you to miss it." She was waving the cooking spoon around for emphasis and Jeff kept quiet about the bits of food she had just flung across the kitchen.

In fact, his heart had transformed into a lump of metal and was trying to decide whether it wanted to hit the floor or shred through his chest. He swallowed, but all he tasted was stale spit.

"Mom," he broke out after a moment of silence, "Prom is on Saturday."

"Oh. Oh no. Jee-eeeeff." Sharon moaned, pulling out a chair and sinking into it, her hands clasping the sides of her head.

"I don't believe it, Mom. The biggest day of my life, and... and..." Jeff ran out of the kitchen, howling frustration.

Richard poked his head out of the office. "Is something wrong?" Sharon rolled her eyes in despair. "Only that I'm flying him out to California on prom night."

Richard's face grew very serious. "Well, we can't refund the ticket, Sharon."

Jeff was pounding his head against the wall next to his bed, trying not to cry. His mom always ruined things for him. First, she had brought him to Stoneybrook when he was perfectly happy in Palo City. Now that he was comfortable in Stoneybrook and had finally found a reason to stay, she was flying him across the country.

He slowly slid off his bed, reaching for the phone on his desk, but stopped. No, this was something he had to tell Byron in person. Jeff dashed through the house, past his mom and Richard talking quietly in the office, threw his shoes on, and blindly ran, his feet slapping the pavement.

Vanessa opened the front door when she saw Jeff coming a full ten feet away and screamed at the top of her lungs, "Jeff's heeeeeeeeeeere!"

Byron nearly fell down the stairs, his leg entangled in some kind of spiderweb made of yarn that Claire and Margo had set up. He removed his leg carefully and met Jeff in the living room.

"What'd your parents say?"

"I'm flying back to California on..." Jeff gulped. "Saturday."

Byron's fingertips flew to his mouth as he nervously chewed on a hangnail.

"I'm so sorry, Byron. My mom is a complete idiot, well you know that, and I'm sorry." he exhaled noisily, his head falling onto Byron's shoulder before anyone could see the tears brimming up.

Byron nodded slowly. "Jeff, it'll be okay. You can call me as soon as you get there; I don't care what time it is. I'll sit by the phone as late as I have to." He felt Jeff nodding agreement into his shoulder and relaxing a little.

Jeff stayed at the Pikes well after the sun went down, and only when Sharon called worriedly did he pick himself off the boys' bedroom floor and squeeze Byron's hand, whispering, "I'll call you."

Never had those words been so bittersweet to Byron's ears, but he smiled back and whispered, "No matter how late."


	6. Promises

Title: Promises

Author: Joy

Pairing: B/J

Rating: 13+

Disclaimer: The boys belong to Ann M. Martin; I'm just playing with them.

Notes: At last! Another fic! I knew you all were waiting for it. Meanwhile, I've been advertising for the community. Yay!

Jeff didn't sleep at all when he crawled into bed after a long bath. He stared at the ceiling for hours, listening to his clock tick the minutes by. All he could think about was the betrayed look in Byron's eyes after Jeff had told him their prom plans were ruined.

Finally, he got out of bed and slipped down the stairs. He felt he had to make it up to Byron somehow. Which is how he found himself standing outside the Pikes in only a t-shirt and boxers, shivering and debating whether to throw a rock up at the boys' window or not.

His decision was made for him as a rustle on the front porch startled him. A lithe figure slipped out of the shadows made by the porch columns and Jeff instantly recognized its silhouette. "Byron!"

"Jeff," Byron whispered, "I can't stop thinking about... It's not fair."

Jeff's spine stiffened as Byron walked over to him in only boxer shorts, his skin glowing with a faint sheen of the streetlights. "I don't want to let you leave, but I guess I have to, huh?" Byron kept talking as he stepped closer to Jeff, so close Jeff could feel warm breath on his face.

Quickly, before either of them could protest the other's proximity, Byron had squirmed into Jeff's arms, drawing them down around him. Jeff wanted to say something about how indecent this was, hugging in the middle of the street, half-naked, but when he felt Byron's shorts grow tighter and push against his thigh, his self-control snapped.

"Byron, oh God, Byron," he whimpered as fingers explored his warm stomach, as he looked over a tanned shoulder to see where they could have privacy.

Byron seemed to have the same thing on his mind, and he led Jeff to a small niche in the shrubbery between the fences. Jeff vaguely remembered it as being a fort when they were younger. Then his primal instincts took over, and he was dragging fingernails lightly over Byron's skin, memorizing the sounds his best friend made.

Their lips met again, less hesitant this time. Byron sighed softly into Jeff's mouth, and Jeff took the offering and consumed it with a single breath.

"Maybe Mom will let me help you pack," Byron said, trying to squirm away from the kiss and make sense of all this.

Jeff pulled away long enough to whisper, "And maybe we can go out to eat before I leave." He slid his tongue along Byron's jawline, causing a great deal of mewling noise.

"And maybe I could leave you with a present before you go?" Byron's hands had somehow, without Jeff noticing, found the waistband of his boxers and was delicately tugging at them.

Jeff startled, jumped back. "It's not... Byron... no. Not... yet." How he struggled to form those simple words, and feared the reaction. But Byron nodded, slipping the very tips of his fingers down to caress him briefly, then slid back up to a safer place.

"I should go before they find out I'm gone," Byron whispered, slightly embarrassed at how eager he had come off as. Jeff dipped his head into shadow, then raised Byron's lowered chin and kissed him again.

"I'll call you as soon as I get hom--to my dad's house. Can I call you that late?"

"We can ask my parents tomorrow; they're calming down a bit." Byron was all business again.

"Okay," Jeff whispered as Byron hurried back into his house and he crouched, alone in the dark. "Okay."


End file.
